Spalpeen

I liveblogged Monday’s episode of The One Show, for Charlie Brooker’s new show, “You Have Been Watching“.

The One Show, BBC One, MONDAY, 29/6/09

0.01
One second in and I’m already cringing. Ewww mock acting.

0.02
Wait isn’t that the guy from that Money show with the Shark graphic?

0.21
I COUNT FOUR TOM JONES PUNS IN FIRST 21 SECONDS OF THE SHOW.

0.22
I don’t think this is the show for me.

0.43
BBC Presenters should be banned from saying “sex”.

1.27
I feel sorry for Tom Jones. This show has made me feel sorry for Tom Jones.

3.06
Alright, now I’ve stopped cringing, and started yawning. Stalking IRL is sooo 90s.

5.22
The interview with the grieving Mum features some quite poignant and touching footage. If only it wasn’t directly preceded by shots of Tom Jones with his top off.

8.00
Tom, to his credit, makes up a convincing story about an imaginary stalker in an effort to help out the producers a bit.

9.02
My…. structured…. TV.. debate…… senses… are…… *tingling*……..

12.06
I love seeing celebrities explaining History/Politics/Current Affairs in response to silly TV interview questions.

This whole show seems to be about getting the TV done quickly, not actually getting any message out.

14.37
Is it against the rules to skip ahead?

15.43
Alright I paused it for like an hour and did some stuff. Now they’re talking about canals.

16.50
I’m finding it really hard to concentrate on this, even with the faux enthusiasm and a slightly flashy edit from the presenter. “Oh look an aqueduct!”

18.20
Ok why the hell did he just abseil that thing?! srsly

19.32
During the construction of the aqueduct: in year one, no-one died. In year two, no-one died. In year three, someone died…. In year four, no-one died. I could go on.

20.30
I really want the presenter to ask Tom Jones a question about aqueducts. “So you ever been on a floating bridge of water Tom?”

22.40
I literally just laughed out loud at varicose veins. “Tom do you have any varicose veins?” P.S. I refuse to watch the next segment about varicose veins. Screw you, YHBW.

28.40
Again, I feel sorry for Tom having to sit through this.

28.50
“See you tomorrow at seven. Do it all again!” Yay.